Letting go

This is probably the hardest post I’ve ever written…when you don’t want to accept reality, it’s sure as heck hard to write about your own….

This week, my daughter got accepted into preschool. My baby. My rider. My mini me. My tot, I cannot believe it! I’ve dreamed about what preschool would be like. I dreamed about watching her grow up and what kind of student she’d be ….but I never dreamed that I would be letting her go right now. (Real tears)

As a mother or father, I’m sure this is normal behavior for a first time mom,  but I’m sick about it. And although I’ve written a book about healing, I’d be lying if I said that my heart isn’t a little bruised right now. I feel defeated because I wanted to be able to teach her what she needed to know; yet I feel accomplished because I know my baby is ready…..if only I were!

Jahzyah has always been my comfort . She’s my reminder every day that the Lord favors me. Monday morning, I have to place her in the hands of someone else who I believe the Lord led me to.And my prayer is that she succeeds. 

There’s a saying “be careful what you ask God for”…it’s true. Daddy has the strangest sense of humor, yet He is still strategic. My husband and I have been in prayer about God’s will for our lives and our future. We are both seeking greater in every area of our lives, but our number one priority is our daughter. Everything we do has to be centered around what works best for her. With our busy lives, our lifestyle has been chaotic. I’ve often prayed about progression yet struggled with how this works with my child being at home. 

When I was looking for preschools, it was very last minute and I knew it would be difficult for her to get in any. A part of me was going through the motions just to say I did it- you know how that is. For some of you, you’re doing that now in some area of your life. Just . Going. Thru.the.Motions….I never expected to get a call . In my mind, I was just preparing myself in advance before I really sought out my options.

But on Tuesday, when I got a text from a local preschool, a Christian based preschool, saying that my baby didn’t have to wait until she was 3, but could come on if I wanted her to. I cried. But I wasn’t the only one, my family took the news worse than me.  But the Holy Spirit reminded me “this was another answered prayer, it just wasn’t what I wanted to hear”. And that was so true. God did answer my prayers, yet once again! He provided an opportunity for structure in an unstructured environment. He is allowing me to give my daughter the gift of education at the age of 2, to help advance her so that she doesn’t blend in BUT stick out. He is giving me freedom and grace to do what I need to do during the day so that I can tend to my husband and child when we are together at home. 

It is up to me to make the most of this answered prayer. Am I going to rejoice or am I going to mope? I choose to rejoice. I am a proud mommy and for the first time all week, I am excited to help my baby transition to Pre-K2 and I am excited to watch her become her own person, not a replica of me or her daddy. I want her to be the little Princess that Christ created her to be, I want to watch her gifts develop, learn her skills and her talents so that I can support her and push her into her destiny! 

No more tears, Mommies! It’s time for the world to meet our babies . All we can do is train them up, and pray that the Word (our foundation) in which we stand on never departs . 

Here’s to an amazing school year for all kiddos of all ages EVERYWHERE!!!!

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